Sympathy for the Koopa King
by Draconic
Summary: During the preliminary matches for Smash 4, Pit overhears the Super Mario crew chatting with Bowser. Is this extremely weird, or has there been a misunderstanding about something surprisingly arbitrary?


**Sympathy for the Koopa King**

Pit was more excited than a popped weasel. He had gotten the return invitation to the next Super Smash Brothers game. And it was finally registration day. His preliminary match with Link was in half-an-hour, and apparently Palutena was going to be watching too. This was so much fun!

There was some hoarse laughter, like a t-rex trying to roar with a bad case of the hiccups. Pit turned around to see a group of other fighters talking nearby, namely Mario, Luigi, Peach and Bowser.

"Waitaminute. What the _what?!_ " Pit blurted without thinking. Luckily no one noticed him. But what in the world were the heroes of the _Super Mario_ series doing talking chummily with the mega-turtle who was supposed to be their mortal enemy.

Now that he thought about it, there were actually a number of related questions that he'd been puzzling over hopelessly for the past few years. He'd never had the opportunity to meet Mario before he was chosen to participate in _Brawl_ , but he knew the multitude of games. He played _Mario Kart_ competitively up in Skyworld.

"He really did that?" asked Peach, her voice as high-pitched as ever.

"Of course! The ol' croaker was a total creep!" Bowser gloated, grinning toothily. "So I just shoved a stalk of broccoli in his mouth. Problem solved."

"I can't believe that Wart wanted to steal the villain's spot for the third game!" Luigi said.

"Well, it's-a not dat-a surprising, no?" supplied Mario, "He did-a try to steal everybody's dreams."

"He was just a jealous fat toad. But it worked out in the end, didn't it. Super Mario World 3 wouldn't have sold if not for me and the Koopalings," Bowser said proudly.

"I thought it was more the introduction of Yoshi and the Raccoon suit," said Pit, strolling up to the group, trying to act casual.

"Aww… but I got the whole clown car and everything…" said Bowser, sounding surprisingly disheartened. "It became my vehicle of choice because of its popularity in that last boss fight."

"I'm-a not sure about zat. But I-a have to agree; Wart would not-a be as interesting as de sequel's villain."

"I mean, his subordinate got an invitation to our parties, but he didn't," Peach added.

"Well, we did see Birdo far more often than we saw Wart. It's only natural that she'd be more popular. Also, it's not a raccoon suit. It's called a Tanooki suit according to the manual," said Luigi.

Pit decided that this was as good a time as any to interject, but failed to sound apologetic enough. He couldn't really help it though. His curiosity was spreading like a bad itch. "Hey, guys, sorry to interrupt, but I have a question."

All eyes turned to the angel.

"How can we help?" Peach asked.

"Well…it's Bowser…" he said.

"Do you need an autograph?" the Koopa King asked helpfully.

"No."

"Darn it. Why doesn't anyone ever want my autograph?"

"It's just…well… you're the villain of the series. You're Mario's arch-nemesis! But you've still been invited to all the Mario Parties since 1998, _and_ all the Mario Kart sessions, even the one on the SNES. _Why?_ I thought everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom _hated_ you?"

Bowser practically wilted.

"I have feelings you know," he said, his deep voice a melancholy rumble.

Bowser's eyes glistened with emotion that he refused to unbottle. If he opened the floodgates, he wouldn't be able to close them. And frankly, he wasn't quite ready to bare his soul to these people and his crush

"Well-eh, for one zing, I-a think you have-a the wrong idea. Bowser's _not_ a villain."

" _Huh?_ "

"I'm the bad guy in the series, but please, have I ever done anything that was _really_ evil?" Bowser said grouchily.

"Well, for starters," said Pit, counting on his fingers, You've kidnapped Peach more times than I can count, stolen her entire castle, held her hostage inside her own castle—"

" _Super Mario 64_ was the second highest grossing game of the year! You can't fault him for that!" Peach said sympathetically.

"And I _still_ never got any of that cake!" Bowser grumped.

"It _is_ a fan favorite," Mario added.

"Well, anyway, you kidnapped Mario and Luigi while the stork was carrying them to their parents—"

"That was Kamek, I had nothing to do with that. Just want to put that out there."

"Bowser's a bully, but he's not some sort of diabolical villain like Ganondorf, or the K. Rools, or…" Luigi trailed off, then whispered, "Who's the big pterodactyl-dragon that Samus fights?"

"The K. Rool family is actually kind of silly. Haven't you seen my television show?" Donkey Kong said as he lumbered by the group.

"Actually, yeah!" Pit said exuberantly, "It's significantly better than the Super Mario and Zelda cartoons."

"That's not saying much," snorted Bowser.

"Okay, so it's not quality programming, who cares? Its animation was great."

"It was a musical," Bowser added.

"Err…" Pit stammered. He scampered over to the heavyset gorilla, "DK back me up here!"

Donkey Kong sighed, shrugging his muscular shoulders apathetically.

"Sorry, can't really help you, the stories were juvenile and the only entertaining characters were Klump and Krusha. Speaking from a critical standpoint, of course. And my banana hoard wasn't even mentioned once! Also, King K. Rool complained that his ocular disorder wasn't touched upon."

"We've-a gotten kinda sidetracked," Mario said.

"What were we talking about again?" asked Pit.

"Me," Bowser chuckled.

There was a round of nods and agreements from all parties involved.

"Well, having been his prisoner for some time, I think I have him pretty much figured out," said Peach.

"Uh-oh," Bowser gasped, "I've never liked being psycho-analyzed. I get nervous."

"Well, Bowser obviously likes me a lot," Peach said, "After all, I'm always completely unharmed whenever Mario rescues me. He actually gives me anything I want as long as I'm around…except the freedom to leave, I suppose."

"Creepy…" Pit whispered.

"Anyway, he clearly has an anger management problem and I think that kidnapping me is how he deals with it."

Bowser stood there, slack-jawed. His lower jaw was actually still dropping and was making good, steady progress toward hitting the floor.

"Could that really be the case?" he said, somehow managing to speak without closing his mouth at all. "Maybe I shouldn't have rejected Kamek's offer to give me therapy so soon after we started."

"De fact ees dat Bowser's-a good king for hees people and takes good care of Princess Peach when he has her."

"I've never gotten that impression," Pit said quickly.

"I need to perform for the camera-lakitu," said Peach, "Otherwise the game is less compelling."

There was a soft thump as the Koopa King's chin came to a rest on the carpet. His eyes were welling with tears.

"We can't-a fault heem for hees brutish behavior. Otherwise derre would be no new games."

"So…Bowser's actually a friend?"

"More or less," Luigi nodded.

"He's-a good to have around een times of crisees," Mario agreed. "You remember the incidents with-a Cackletta? And Fawful? And Count Bleck? Just-a to name a few."

"You have a point," said Pit thoughtfully.

Bowser shuffled around a bit, slowly closing his mouth with a quiet snap as he re-hinged his jaw.

"I am so touched," he said tearfully.

"Come on, keep it together, Boss," said a nearby green shelled koopa troopa. "Your boy and the Koopalings are gonna be here any minute."

Bowser sniffled. Then snorted. Then he sneezed a jet of fire a few inches to the left of Pit's face.

"You're right. I've gotta keep looking tough. I am a boss character after all. You one of the guys here for the Smash Run and Smash Tour auditions?"

"Yep."

"Good luck then troopa. I hope you get in."

"Thank you sir! Come on, guys! Audition time!"

A troupe of green and red shelled koopa troopas and para-troopas, as well as a few hammer bros joined the troopa as he walked off to a door labeled NPCs Only. He nearly jumped out of his shell as a ReDead knight lurched toward him, a rotting arm outstretched as a hideous gurgling noise came from the back of its open throat. It then grasped the door handle and held it open for the troopa, who sighed in tremendous relief. It wasn't unfounded. ReDeads were among Nintendo's most frightening monsters. Especially the _Twilight Princess_ versions.

"I really hope that one doesn't get in," Pit murmured.

"Yah," Mario agreed with a wide-eyed nod.

"You said it, guys," said Bowser.

He fidgeted nervously, looking at Pit with a commercially competitive urgency.

"Can you please let me give you my autograph?" he asked.

"Are you still hung up on that? Well, I guess there's no reason for me to stop you if you want to."

Pit dug around in his backpack and found a copy of _Bowser's Inside Story_ and gave it to the Koopa King who held it up triumphantly in the manner of Link finding a new item. "Finally! Marketing victory is mine!"

"Please, let's just stay calm here until it's fighting time, Bowser."

"Oh fine," he lowered his arms grudgingly, and popped open a ballpoint pen that was conveniently placed on a nearby table. He scribbled a short message in the white space on the cover of the game and handed it back to Pit.

"Keep on rockin' all the way from the Mushroom Kingdom. Signed, Bowser," Pit read aloud. "Well, thanks I guess. You've got good handwriting for a guy with such big hands."

"I need claws for slashing at things. It comes with the antagonist territory. You're going down by the way. I've got some new moves this time around."

"Yeah? Well so do I. Get ready! Cause—"

"The winner is me! It's already said so in the very game I just signed."

Pit hung his head, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I can't really argue with that…"

A chime rang out over a P.A. system before Bowser decided to gloat.

"Would Pit of _Kid Icarus_ and Link of _The Legend of Zelda_ please report to the exhibition stadium for your preliminary match," intoned a pleasant female voice.

"Oh, that's me, gotta go!" Pit cheered, jumping to attention. Within moments he had picked up his Palutena Bow, and was rushing to meet Hyrule's resident champion. Did he need his Upperdash Arm or Guardian Orbitars for the initiation round?

Nah.

Time to give Lady Palutena a show she'd never forget.

For some reason, something felt amiss though. He and Link had already been introduced on the Smash Dojo, so why where he and Link doing another round?

Whatever. It was just for fun after all.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Oh, he has no idea…**

 **This short story actually contains my own feelings on the matter of the 'Bowser vs. Mario, who's the real bad guy in the series' argument. Said argument is a farce in its entirety, as the Super Mario series has no constant, evil villain in the first place. It's a goofy game made for the kid inside all of us.**

 **Mario's rivalry with Bowser is a fun part of life in the Mushroom Kingdom. They invite the Koopas to parties, race derbies, and he's helped defend the Mushroom Kingdom more than once; see** _ **Super Paper Mario**_ **and** _ **Super Mario Brothers Superstar Saga: Bowser's Inside Story**_ **. I'm aware that** _ **Paper Mario**_ **and the** _ **Super Mario Brothers Superstar Saga**_ **are separate continuities from the main series, but for the sake of marketing, and the Smash Bros. Trophy-verse, I've modified the fourth wall.**

 **Keep playing folks. Enjoy the rest of your day.**


End file.
